Just he and I and all of them....

Just he and I and all of them...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Day 3...Somethng I have to forgive myself for... Wow this one is so hard there are a couple things, I just don't know which one to write about. Okay here goes - First of all I have to say I am not meaning any disrespect at all to the person I am writing about, he truly was one of my best friends.
In June of 2007 my ex-husband, who was a very good father but also a very bad alcoholic got physical with our son. In all honesty while looking back I think he was probably in a black out because he absolutely adored his children and would never in a million years intentionally hurt them. Anyway, he called me on the phone to tell me his side of what had happened and it became very clear very quick that he was very drunk. He asked to talk to his son and started telling him that everything he owned would now be his and threatening suicide. I have to tell you that this is something he threatened many times in his lifetime so I didn't take it as serious as I should have. The next morning at a few minutes after 7:00 a.m. he called dispatch and told them that he was going to shoot himself and that he wanted the officers to come quickly so that his children would not find his body, he hung up the phone and he took his life. I wish I would have called the police the night before, because I didn't my kids don't have thier dad. I have learned that if someone threatens suicide one time or a hundred times, take them seriously. I need to forgive myself for not calling the police or his wife. I did call his mother but that is another story I will probably never tell. I miss him and his kids miss him more.
I am sorry this is so heavy.

Until later,
Hugs,
Shelly

3 comments:

Terri said...

Wow, Shelly, what a weight you've been carrying around. I hope you know that once someone makes the decision to end his/her life, there is really little that others can do to dissuade them. My DIL's father committed suicide when she was 19 and she has many of the same "if only" feelings. Hugs to you, my friend.....

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

Bless your heart. Wouldn't it be easier if we had a crystal ball? ((hugs))

Kimi said...

I just have a huge huge hug for you. It is so difficult to lose anyone this way and some days it really does seem too much for anyone to bear. You just have to remember the good he did...the good you did for him. HUGS.